What does independence mean anyway?

In a time right now where we are realizing how much we value our freedom and independence, I think it makes sense to talk a little bit about what independence really means.In our society, we push for independence.  Meaning that we encourage our children to grow up and build skills to be able to live on their own, with friends, roommates and perhaps with a partner and build their own family.  I think this includes having a full time job and having an apartment or house to maintain and take care of.  The part that I think we forget about is that all of these thing don’t generally happen in life in personal isolation.  We, as humans, need others for support and to help us build the skills we need to be independent.  

We also need to continue to be in relationship with other people for our entire lives.  We have relationships with family, friends, co-workers and so on.  I think what many people are missing right now are these very connections. We are missing our community or our tribe. There are many other societies that focus on a larger family unit where individuals are supported by the larger community around them. 

Perhaps we could think of a model of interdependence where we are focused on supporting and being supported by a larger group around us. They may not be direct family members and in fact many adults on spectrum build a chosen family of people around them that understand and respect each other’s differences.  Part of building these skills for children is going to school, taking direction from others rather than a family member. Connecting and working with their peers.  These are the building blocks to being able to foster independence as children get older. 
As young adults, these same children use the skills they have learned and apply them to the outside world. This can be quite difficult for young adults trying to learn how to live independently.  As parents and educators, I know that we worry if they have developed enough skill to venture out on their own and if not, will they be able to figure things out. We worry about their resilience.  Will they be able to pick up the pieces if (or when) they fall? We want to manage all of those things for them however much of that is dependent on the network of support they have around them and what role models have they seen around them. It is also important for them to know who can they trust if they need help. 

So again, we come back to looking at the supportive community that is around us to help us live our lives. I think in the time we find ourselves now, we are all learning how much we need to interact with community and the extended family around us. We are also finding out how much alone time we need. For me, It is a time of personal discovery and a time to show gratitude for my tribe, clan, family, etc. They all help me be a better version of myself and feel like I have a place and belong to something greater than myself.