For those of you that are parents, you may remember from an early age being exposed to parenthood. 

Playing house, playing with baby dolls, babysitting for siblings, cousins or neighbors children.  

From my own experience, a great deal of emphasis was placed on caring for children and more importantly having your own.  When I got married, that emphasis and pressure became more apparent.  My husband and I were both working more than traditional full-time hours and were left with little energy to care for a little one. In addition, through my teenage years I spent much of my time caring for a younger sibling and for other people’s children and I was pretty good at it.  However, those experiences had taught me the amount of responsibility that caring for a child was.  When I got married I knew I wanted to wait and get settled into the transition of being married.  Seemed to make sense to me!!  

However, people around us don’t always understand the amount of pressure they are placing on others to have kids.  They don’t understand the life circumstances that they may be under.  Perhaps they are trying to have a child and there are challenges or perhaps a decision has been made to not have children.  Point is we don’t know where people are at when simple comments are made like “So, when are you going to have kids?”  or “the clock is ticking” or “you need a legacy” or “you’re being selfish by not having kids” or “when are you going to give me grandbabies?” and so on.  

I bring this up because the flip side to this is what about your own life as a parent?  For me as soon as I had kids my focus was on them.  Of course it makes sense.  You have this beautiful new life in your arms and for me, the amount of love I felt is nothing like I have ever felt before.  I saw myself in my kids and I saw (and still see) the amazing world that lies ahead for them.  I see infinite potentiality and I, as their mom, will serve as a guide to help them reach whatever vision they have.  

I saw that my work as a mom was to help my kids navigate the world, expose them to as much as I could through literature, art, music, travel, education and whatever else I could pull in.  I am grateful for being able to do this with family support. At this point however, it is now my kids turn to take the tools they have learned from me and all those around them and apply them.  Move through the world as an adult.  I have to say as a parent of two adults it is again one of the most amazing things to watch.  You are excited and proud of them but also afraid.  For me, my first fear lies in knowing that I cannot protect my children from the world. I would take their suffering aways if I could but I know it is how they will continue to build their resilience and their adult lives.  My second fear is that in building this “mom life” no one told me that the transition to my children’s adulthood would force me to face my own future. In seeing them navigate the world as an adult I am called to reflect on what my own navigation will look like.  Having been defined as “Mom Walsh” or “Mrs. Walsh” has now been replaced with just me.  “Ilia”  I now get to serve as coach, confidant, and facilitator to my kids.  It is a new role that leaves me time to reflect on who I am and what I want at my own pace.  I find myself reflecting on what my passions were before being a mom.  What happened to all of those?  How do I find my passions now?  This is where I feel like I was sold a bill of goods.  No one talks about this part. 

So, when thinking about parenting I see that the overwhelming love I have for my kids is powerful and something I wouldn’t trade in for anything.  Raising children has pushed my boundaries and helped me in my personal growth in a way that is unique. However, when I started this journey I didn’t fully understand that it is a forever journey with all the pain, joy, disappointments, triumphs, heartbreak, awe, exhaustion, and love that life has to offer.  It is not a place for the faint of heart. Being a parent is hard and in ways I did not expect.  As Serena Williams said in her documentary Being Serena “As a mom, this is a new type of strength I am not used to”. I think this is a feeling that will stay with me forever but for me, so worth the ride.